Relationships Take Work

As seen in the HB

Relationships Take Work

            We’ve all heard very wise people tell us before our marriages that, “Marriage is a 50/50 deal.  You have to meet your future spouse in the middle.”  If we hold this to be true, we would be in a constant compromise effort in our marriages.  This might work for most, but what if one half of the couple doesn’t like to argue and the other one does?  Thomas Killman called these two conflict-mode types the “competer” and the “avoider.”  The competer must win at all costs while the avoider runs from conflict.  It would be very hard for these types of conflict styles to meet in the middle as compromisers, or a 50/50 relationship.

            If we have the opportunity to delve deeper into relationship modes, especially relationships between spouses, there is one and only one proportional mode that works.  In pre-marital counseling, I’ve told them marriage is not a 50/50 proposal, to which I always get strange looks from both.  I further the confusion by telling them marriage is not 50/50 but a 100/100 relationship.  Each must give completely of themselves while not expecting anything in return.  Ephesians 5 is the best example of this premise.  The chapter begins with these words: “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.”  If we revere Jesus in the manner we should because of what He has done for us, then in the same manner we are to submit to our spouses.

            All of this is easy to say, but hard to do, right?  You bet.  But isn’t any relationship worth the work if you really love the person?  Again, you bet!  But what about our relationship with God the Father?  How hard do we work on that relationship?  If we want a deep, personal relationship with God, shouldn’t we put in the work?  And if we are to give 100% of ourselves to our spouses, what effort do we exert to get closer to God?

            In order to have the best relationship we can possibly have with God, we must first acknowledge and agree that He gave of Himself to us.  He sent His only son to us and for us.  You would have to agree with me that Jesus gave His 100% on Calvary for His side of the equation.  Shouldn’t we be willing to give just as much, even our lives?  Jesus told His disciples those who try to save their lives will lose it, and those who are willing to lose their lives will save it.  Jesus is the only one who can give you eternal life because He was the only one who purchased it for us, and the price was His own life.  We can’t get it anywhere else but from Him!

            Remove everything you can that stands between you and God.  And if you struggle to do this, ask for His help.  God wants nothing more than to have a 100/100 relationship with us.  He did His part.  Don’t you think it’s time we did ours?  You won’t regret it, I assure you.