The Right Thing

As seen in the HEARTbeat and the Village Voice

“The Right Thing”

            Exactly what is the right thing?  And how do we determine if the right thing is, in fact, the right thing?  And when we respond to a situation, how do we know if the response we have given is the right response or the best response?

            All these questions are valid ones.  Of course, there is no way we can know if our chosen response is the right one, given the situation.  The other qualifier is this:  will the other party see our response as it is intended or will they receive it differently?

            In communication, there is the intended message, the delivery, the receipt, and the understanding.  Even though we may think of a good idea, our words may not convey it accurately – which will cause problems.  When this happens, we may say, “That’s not exactly what I meant to say,” which convolutes the communication.  But what if we say exactly what we think in our mind, can we dictate how the other person will receive it?  The answer to that is no.  And then there is the interpretation of our words in the mind of the recipient which we again have no control over.  Then, of course, all behavioral responses are filtered though these interpretations, intentions, and our chosen words.  Effective communication is not easy, and I think you will agree with me.

            We develop our attitudes in life based on information we take in.  We evaluate this information based on our values and belief systems developed by our interaction with our parents, grandparents, relatives, teachers, and even Sunday School teachers.  If the information we receive is determined to be contrary to our values and belief systems, we develop a negative attitude concerning this information (Now it gets sticky).  When we have enough information about a subject and an attitude is formed, it feeds into what I call the “emotional bucket.”  An emotion, either positive or negative, relates our attitude toward the information we took in.  It is this emotion that drives our behavior.  In short, attitudes do not drive our behaviors, emotions do.  We can see responses on peoples’ faces and from that infer emotions, attitudes, and somewhat their value and belief systems.  We only see behaviors and nothing else.  All of this said, the basis of all this, what some may call psychobabble, is how we determine the “right thing” to do.

            But what if all your experience, all your knowledge, all your values and belief systems, attitudes and emotions tell you to respond in a certain way, yet some small voice tells you differently?  This is the dilemma Joseph was facing.  Mary was found pregnant before they could consummate the marriage.  The law says stone her.  He could have dissolved the marriage contract and retrieved the dowry he paid.  He was heartbroken.  Follow the law, follow his heart, or follow the instructions given him by God through an Archangel?  By doing the latter, he would face public ridicule and could have even been ostracized from the temple!

            Sometimes we may face what we perceive as just such a monumental decision.  God will show us a way, but we must be willing to follow it.  God does know best.  Things worked out fine for Joseph, and they will work out fine for you as well when we follow God’s heart!